The Masaki's Get Bonged
by SinisterMarmalade
Summary: The Tenchi Muyo gang meet... Jay and Silent Bob? CHAPTER 3 IS NOW UP!
1. No Need For Stoners

Story by SinisterMarmalade  
  
I intend no disrespect, infringement or profit from Tenchi Muyo, View Askew or the creators of either.  
  
THE MASAKI'S GET BONGED  
  
Part 1: No Need For Stoners  
  
It was early morning at the Masaki shrine. Tenchi Masaki listened to the birds chirp as he paused in his sweeping of the large stone steps to take in a deep breath of the sweet morning air. Hanging in the air, though, was the tang of sweeter smelling smoke. He looked towards the bottom of the steps where two young men were smoking strange cigarettes. One of them was tall, thin and very animated, with long blond hair tucked under a knit cap. The other was a bit portly, with a moustache and short beard. This latter figure seemed to tolerate the antics of the other with quiet resolve.  
  
"This is the shit, Lunchbox! We got some sweet Chinese blunt, some music by Sex Machineguns, and I'm so high I could do some Matrix kung fu shit, hanging in the air for hours! I fucking love China! If China was a chick I'd fuck China! Hell, I'd fuck China if it was a guy! But I'm not gay you hentai fuck!" the animated one directed this last bit at the other. His friend looked at him for a moment, bemused. "What the fuck, Lunchbox? Did I grow an extra dick somewhere when I wasn't looking?"  
  
"We're in Japan dumbass," the other responded.  
  
"Fuck, Japan? Are you sure? Gimme the map, you portly fuck," said the first.  
  
"Pardon me," said Tenchi, approaching them. "I couldn't help but overhear, but you are in Japan and standing in front of the Masaki shrine," said Tenchi helpfully. For some reason, everyone was speaking the same language fluently. "By the way, what is that strange incense you're burning?"  
  
"You want a hit of this shit, man? I gotta warn you, its harsh," said the manic one. Following his instructions, Tenchi took a hit, held it for half a minute, and blew it out slowly. Soon, Tenchi was giggling maniacally about something. "Dude, you okay? I swear Lunchbox, this guy must be a blunt virgin." The other one nodded his agreement. Suddenly, inspiration struck Jay. "Yo Lunchbox," he whispered conspiratorially, "want to get this guy all fucked up?" The silent one that about it a minute, then enthusiastically nodded his head.  
  
"Here man, swallow this," said the hyper one, handing Tenchi a strange pill. Tenchi should have known better, but in his current state he readily complied. Our somnambolic duo waited a few minutes.  
  
"Alright, it should start to hit now," said guess who. He kneeled down to where Tenchi was rolling on the ground giggling unintelligibly. "Yo snoogans, I'm gonna let you in on some major top fucking secret shit okay?" Tenchi, suddenly all ears, just nodded. "I'm Jay and this is my fat ass sidekick, Silent Bob, and where from outer fucking space. There's this space pirate chick we're after, she likes to give blow jobs that eventually make your head explode. You know, the one you think with."  
  
"AAAAAAHHHG!!! Ryoko wants to blow me!!" Tenchi said, running towards the temple in fear. From somewhere in the distance, Yosho's ears perked up.  
  
"I should be so lucky. Well, there's always Ayeka," he muttered to himself and went back to his meditations.  
  
End part 1. 


	2. No Need For Blow Jobs

Story by SinisterMarmalade.  
  
I intend no disrespect, infringement or profit by this story. I do not own Tenchi Muyo or View Askew.  
  
I'd like to thank all those who have taken the time to review chapter one. As promised, here's chapter two.  
  
THE MASAKI'S GET BONGED  
  
Part 2: No Need For Blow Jobs  
  
A scream pierced the early morning air.  
  
"AAAAAAUGHHH!!! Ryoko wants to blow me!!" Tenchi yelled in abject terror as he ran toward the house. The drugs had muddled his mind because if he had been in full control of his faculties he would have run away from the house. Meanwhile, the perpetrators of this insanity were busy laughing their stoned asses off. Ryoko's ears perked up at the scream.  
  
"It's about time he caught on," she thought to herself. She teleported herself behind the front door as Tenchi opened it. "Ready lover?" she asked him seductively. He looked at her, screamed incoherently at the top of his lungs, and ran the other way. "Tenchi, what in the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled after him. Just then our somnambolic duo walked up to her.  
  
"Yo babe," said Jay, "you like that guy?"  
  
"Yeah, and now I'm horny too! DAMN!!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Chill snoogans, I'm kinda like your fairy Godmother. 'Cept I'm not a fairy and nobody's Gramma," he said with a mischievious grin. Silent Bob handed Ryoko a blunt and a couple pills.   
  
"Just trust me and that Tenchi guy with be like pud in your hands. Or something like that," he laughed. "Just smoke that blunt till it's all gone, then swallow the orange pill, wait ten minutes and then swallow the blue pill." Jay knew damn well after the blunt she wouldn't remember any directions. He light her blunt and watched her smoke down half of it with one inhalation.  
  
"How can I, hee hee, ever repay you?" she asked, starting to giggle.  
  
"You could do to little Jay what you did to the blunt," said Jay eagerly, dropping pants. Ryoko, in her confusion, tried to light "little Jay."  
  
"Shit lady, forget it! My happy place ain't weed!" He shouted, zipping up and running. Ryoko chased him, giggling about a 'penis bong.'  
  
Silent Bob shook his head and went in the house. He was quickly getting a case of the munchies, so he went towards the kitchen. Cutting up vegetables on a cutting board was a cute young girl with bluish-green hair. She looked up, surprised. "Who are you?" she asked, curious. After they had chatted about food and existentialism for about ten minutes, Silent Bob got a brilliant idea. He reached in his left front pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He handed it to the girl. She looked at him with excited curiosity.  
  
"What are pot brownies?" she asked him innocently. Silent Bob smiled.  
  
End part 2. 


	3. No Need For Desserts

Story by SinisterMarmalade.  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
THE MASAKI'S GET BONGED  
  
Part 3: No Need For Desserts  
  
Jay hid behind a large tree in the woods as Ryoko flew past with a lighter in hand, still trying to light "little Jay."  
  
"That's the last time I give Jamaican lambs wool to that fucking psycho!" he said to himself.  
  
"What did you give her?" asked a voice behind him.  
  
"I gave her blunt, what the fu-" he started, turning around. He looked all over to find the source of the voice, then he finally looked down. There stood a child like woman with pink hair styled like a crab.  
  
"Who the fuck are you lady? Shouldn't you be in fucking school?" exclaimed Jay.  
  
"I'm Washu, and I graduated several thousand years ago," Washu replied. "Now, did you say you gave Ryoko weed?"  
  
"Yeah, I figured what the fuck, you know!" he responded.  
  
"Do you have more of it?" she asked.  
  
"Fuck yeah, lady! How much of it do you want?" asked the manic addict.  
  
"Tell you what. I want to monitor the effects of Marijuana on the entire Masaki household. So if you get everyone here really stoned, then I'll get Mihoshi to give you head. And call me Washu-chan!" exclaimed Washu-chan.  
  
"Fuck yes! I'll call you Queen of the Motherfucking May if you can get me a hot horny slut who knows how to give head! Does this Mihoshi chick put out a lot?" asked Jay.  
  
"No, but she's really stupid. If you can get her stoned, she'll probably believe anything you tell her to get her to lay you." said the pink haired genius.  
  
Jay struck a dramatic pose usually reserved for heroic anime characters who feel the need to give a justice speech or simply chastise a villian. "I now realize my purpose! I, Jay, will do everything in my power to get everyone here stoned like no one has been stoned before!"  
  
"The research potential is making me wet," said Washu who then teleported away.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"Okay, the brownies should be done by now!" exclaimed an excited Sasami as she grabbed a pair of oven mitts and opened the stove. "Mmm, they smell so good!"  
  
Silent Bob took a whiff and nodded his agreement.  
  
"Thanks for showing me this recipe and telling me all about New Jersey. If you ever want to talk about haiku as it relates to Japanese stone gardens again, swing by anytime. HEY GUYS, WHO WANTS TO TRY SOME NEW BROWNIES MY FRIEND AND I MADE?" Sasami shouted from the kitchen doorway.  
  
"Ooooh, brownies! YUM!" Squeeled Mihoshi as she skidded into the kitchen and instantly grabbed one. She shoved it into her mouth with abvious glee.  
  
"Geez, Mihoshi! We're right in the middle of sex and you take off for a brownie? You suck," said an irate Kiyone.  
  
Mihoshi's eyes teared up. "B-but Kiyone, these are so good." Instantly seized with the enthusiasmof a brilliant idea, she grabbed another brownie and shoved it into Kiyone's mouth. "Try one! They're so YUM!"  
  
"Mihoshggggbbl! Wha th' fk.....heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee," giggled Kiyone. Mihoshi was similarly amused.  
  
"Wow, they're 'happy brownies' just like you said!" exclaimed Sasami. Silent Bob smiled and nodded sagely while he reached for one himself.  
  
Just then, Tenchi ran through the house and out the back in a blind panic, screaming "AAAUUUUUUGGHGHGHHH!!! RYOKO WANTS TO BLOW ME!!!"  
  
From another room in the house, Ayeka looked up from where she was giving Yosho head. "I'll put a stop to that!" she declared, and dashed from the room.   
  
"Damn, I'll have to finish up myself or I'll get blue balls!" swore Yosho. Then he glanced out the window and did a double take. "Oh shit...... my mothers!" 


End file.
